


Amnesia

by lilydarling



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, One Shot, Post-Break Up, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 16:51:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14406369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilydarling/pseuds/lilydarling
Summary: I think I actually cried writing this. A very sad one-shot based off of Amnesia by 5 Seconds of Summer.





	Amnesia

**Author's Note:**

> Prepare the tissues.

I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted. I thought about our last kiss the way you felt, the way you tasted.  
\----------

Jeremy never expected that he would fall for Michael. He definitely didn't expect to lose his best friend after falling for him. He always would remember every memory he shared with Michael from getting stoned in his basement, to make out sessions in the park, to sleeping next to him. 

He was in love with Michael. So, when Michael decided to go to college in California, Jeremy did everything to make it work. This included moving to California. But now he lived back in New Jersey, away from Michael. The love of his life.

\-----------  
And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine, Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?   
\-----------

Jeremy thought he meant something to Michael. He knew from the moment they started dating to the moment they kissed to the moment they broke up that Michael and him were always going to be each other's missing piece. Or so he thought. He had thought he and Michael would get back together eventually, but Jeremy was slowly starting to realize that he had completely false hope.

Then, Jeremy actually saw photos on Michael's Instagram of Michael kissing some other guy. It killed every part of Jeremy he had left since the break up. He cried so hard that night, and was unable to sleep through the pain. It had been three months since the break up and Jeremy was sure he'd never get over it, even if Michael was out there kissing other guys.

\-----------  
When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you? Sometimes I start to wonder was it just a lie? If what we had was real, how could you be fine? Cuz I'm not fine at all.  
\-----------

About a month after their breakup, Michael called Jeremy in a moment of weakness. Jeremy remembered the phone call word for word, Michael crying about his awful boyfriend and wishing he and Jeremy were back together, telling him he read Jeremy's old notes every day. Yet, nothing changed. Michael ignored him again from then on. Jeremy was back to being heartbroken. That false hope plummeted further than he had already been. He felt that he really did have nowhere to go.  
\------------

I remember the day you told me you were leaving. I remember the makeup running down your face.

\-------------

Another memory that always played in Jeremy's head was the day that he and Michael broke up. The fight that broke out between the two because Jeremy had become ultra close to Christine again. How Michael said he knew Jeremy would never love him the way he had loved Christine. Jeremy trying to tell him that Christine was not real but that this relationship was.There was so much crying that went on that night, and the fight lasted hours. It exhausted Jeremy, but he thought in his heart that no matter what, this fight would still not be the end of things for them. But Michael was positive that Jeremy didn't love him, which led him to packing his bags to leave, leaving Jeremy to himself in a cold, dark room. It was especially cold that night when Jeremy went to sleep without Michael there cuddling right beside him.   
\--------------

And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them. Like every single wish we ever made.

\---------------

Jeremy and Michael had always talked about their future together. They had named their kids, picked out their future jobs, and even figured out that they were going to move to England. They had everything planned. They even knew the theme of their wedding. It always helped Jeremy through tough times to know that he and Michael had an amazing future together all planned out. Jeremy was counting down the days til the day he had planned to propose to Michael. Except...it never got to that day before things crashed and burned.

Jeremy knew that he would die to get those dreams back. They would be something that would make him feel that life was worth living for, especially ibn the deep dark state that he had been in ever since the break up. He wondered how Michael felt about these dreams they had made. He wondered if he made similar plans with his new boyfriend. He hoped not. Jeremy wanted those dreams to be unique to his relationship with Michael. 

\------------------

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about the stupid little things. Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you, And the memories I never can escape.

\------------------

Jeremy had not been the same since Michael left. He cut off everybody. He never socialized at all. He never played video games. He never talked to anyone. He hardly ever left his room.

He couldn't do it. His mental health was out of control. It was like the SQUIP, but ten times worse.

Jeremy did try to make himself forget Michael multiple times; through prayer, hypnotism, and even an attempted concussion he tried to give himself. It never worked. He knew that Michael was permanently implanted in his brain, like a tattoo.

\---------------  
The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone. I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone.

\----------

Jeremy spent a lot of time looking at photos of Michael and him together, kissing, holding hands, just being together and happy. Every picture Michael had ever taken on his phone. It made him smile through his tears. He loved this boy, more than that new boyfriend of his ever could. It broke his heart to think that Michael no longer looked at Jeremy that way. Jeremy knew that things were not going to ever be the same, and it killed him.

\---------  
And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around. It hurts to know you're happy, and it hurts that you've moved on.

\--------

Jeremy hadn't talked to Brooke, Rich, Jake, Chloe, Christine, or anyone since he lost Michael. He couldn't take it. He saw Michael's face in everyone he looked at. He isolated himself from the world. He couldn't do it. He couldn't look at them and pretend to be fine. He knew they would ask him "How's Michael?" and Jeremy knew he would break down at those words. He would fall apart in front of everyone. 

Michael was the glue that had held the group together. Michael was the glue that held Jeremy together.

\------------

If today I woke up with you right beside me, like all of this was just some twisted dream, I'd hold you closer than I ever did before. And you'd never slip away.

\----------

Jeremy sobbed himself to sleep every night, if he was able to even catch any sleep. All he wanted was to drift off to sleep in Michael's arms, and without Michael there, he couldn't get himself to fall asleep. He had gotten so damn used to falling asleep in Michael's arms that he didn't even want to imagine another way of life, and here he was living that nightmare.

Jeremy often called Michael and hung up before it could go to voicemail. He also often got drunk and tried to sleep with other people to see if it would help him forget about Michael. He had tried a lot of things, and nothing every worked.

Jeremy wished that he could get Michael out of his head or get him back. But judging from Michael's instagram, Michael was happy. He had a new boyfriend to share his dreams with. He had someone better in his life.


End file.
